ANXIETY.SAR lyrics

I wake up at three in the morning with a tight chest Take a deep breath the app says, I'm being monitored My anguish has a name, a code, an icd But there's no answer, just sleeping pills Sartre said nausea is reality asserting itself I feel it every day and no one seems to get it It's not weakness, it's not being dramatic, it's not a lack of faith It's the weight of existing without knowing why I asked Google, it told me to meditate I checked my feed, it told me to shop I asked myself, absolute silence That's the most honest diagnosis I've ever had Anxious, medicated, functional Productive enough for capitalism Sartre shouted, you are your choice But how can you choose when your mind never rests? Therapy on wednesdays meetings on fridays Pain boxed in between goals and tasks I perform normality with mastery No one notices I'm in agony The being-in-itself feels nothing, I envy the stone The for-itself condemns and the mind despairs Condemned to consciousness sartre was right Too much freedom and no direction It's not burnout It's not weakness It's existing without an anchor It's freedom that weighs Anxious, medicated, functional Productive enough for capital Sartre shouted you are your choice I choose to stop even if it hurts Notification: Your meditation session is overdue Ignored