CHAOS 가사

I got used to tears on my shirt sleeves Panic attacks getting groceries Deep breaths and incense and heart beats (The simplest of things could break me) I got used to rationalizing The trauma with fake silver linings And living felt more like surviving Never thought that I'd stop (I never thought that I'd stop crying) Ooh, I'm finally healing my Wounds spent so long broken in Two trying to glue back the pieces I don't know what peace is or Who I am When the chaos goes away Why do I kinda wish it stayed I spent a year trying to make it out And I don't know how to function now When the chaos goes away Why am I still not ok I can't even sleep through the whole night Or go by myself on a long drive Will I be like this my whole life (Already paid my price) Maybe I've spent so long outrunning my past That I still can't help looking back Will I always be waiting For my whole world to cave in? Ooh, took so much time getting Used to everything breaking in Two trying to glue back the pieces I don't know what peace is or who I am When the chaos goes away Why do I kinda wish it stayed I spent a year trying to make it out And I don't know how to function now When the chaos goes away Why am I still not ok Fighting the pain Gave me a purpose I pulled my demons Up to the surface I made a home in All the discomfort I found myself In all the dysfunction I got so sick of Asking for help but I Still can't take Care of myself I got So used to living through hell That I feel so lost anywhere else When the chaos goes away Why do I kinda wish it stayed